I am both excited and nervous to be sending this to you, as I am not exactly sure what to say. And, of course am sitting with fear of it not being good enough, or of disclosing to the point of feeling uncomfortable and vulnerable. But, I have long been very full of a sense of gratitude for the many blessings that I experience, for folks and encounters with folks like you, and, frankly for coming through to the other side of yet another challenge or hurtle in life. In fact, I have often fantasized about what kind of, and what I would say in a "Newsletter" to you all. When I looked I found this: "Newsletters serve numerous purposes, such as disseminating information, motivating performance, promoting unity, improving morale and supplementing company records. Organizations and businesses often use them as a representational tool. They help an organization spread word about its existence, and they help a business gain more customers."
So, in terms of disseminating information, promoting unity, and motivating others…, I want to share that I am living proof that we can use our past, pain, and passion as power to empower us, and others, to not just simply "move on and heal and grow," but to do something that often feels like a necessary pre-step…to get or keep moving! Move those stuck places…, move our feet…, move our mouths…, move our bodies…, move our door sign from "closed" to "open," or even our peg from "failure to thrive" to "thriving."
As some of you know I have been very private and hush-hushed about my current pregnancy as this is what I call "pregnancy (attempt) number more than 5," and I still had not gotten the opportunity to take home a live and healthy baby from a hospital. So, though it could, I won’t let it go without saying that this has been an understandably very scary pregnancy for me. As one of my happiest times was being pregnant with Cameron two years ago, I always thought that getting and staying pregnant again would immediately replace my disappointments and sorrows with that pure joy and sense of accomplishment again. I have been shocked and honestly disappointed in myself for this not ringing true. But, as one of my major professors used to say "Solutions to problems bring new problems," I was made clearly aware of this.
I share this with you all not for pity, or sympathy, or for shock and awe, but for prayers, and encouragement, and foremost because I want you to have an understanding of why and how I have come to say "I am living proof…," and how it makes sense at this time to publically highlight the therapeutic work I am doing related to fertility/infertility and "non-partum depression." About 9 out of 10 times that I have shared my current "Now Story" and reality with someone I have heard "that has happened to me, my sister, my partner, my wife, my granddaughter, or my grandmother." And this continues to remind me that there are NO coincidences, encourage me and spur me on to look for and be open to more and more opportunities to encourage others, share Hope and resources, and to remind me to give thanks for my current "Now Gift" of my purpose and work in the world, and of this precious baby and our journey together. Yes, I am often reminded of the many losses and "almosts," or brought to fear’s playground with the "what ifs…," and, for right NOW, this is what is, and I don’t want to miss out any more on the present wonder, curiosity, challenges, joy, and experiences due to attempting to straddle the past and the future…places I have no business being.
Thank you so much for bearing witness to my "Now," and for your thoughts, prayers, referrals, energy, resources, support, and encouragement!